Captain Loop Hole's blog-o-rama extravaganza

Inconsiderate Bastard

2011-12-03T18:09:00.001-06:00

Today, I am surly. I woke up in a bad mood & it has stuck with me all day. I ate a fantastic breakfast & will soon need nourishment. But, that's not the point of this. The point is that I am in a foul mood. Something very dear to me (yes, it's a band) is coming to an end & I'm kind of, not so much raging against the dying of the light, but I'm apathetic.
I refuse to do a "farewell show" - again. Then, for some insult & injury, [redacted] asked me to play a show with the band that he & [redacted] are now playing with because, they "don't have enough to fill the whole night".
Well, even if I wasn't reffing that night, I'd have still said no.

Inconsiderate bastard.

I've been quiet lately....

2011-11-14T13:44:00.000-06:00

too quiet.

So, I quit my job that was the source of much bitching. I have a new job, which is the source for much happiness. But, I do have one thing that's weighing heavy. The band is breaking up... again.

Before it was OK that we were going on hiatus: our last (original) guitarist moved away & our singer was living in Texas, so it just made sense. This time, our (new) guitarist is moving to Los Angeles (like our first original guitarist). This shouldn't be that big of deal, right? We'll just find another guitarist.

But, it is that big of a deal. Our singer (now back in MO)doesn't want to do it anymore. The bass player, who never responds to band emails, agrees.

Fuck.

I'm at a loss. I've been with this band for a decade. Ten years. Ten years, man, ten years!!! TEN YEARS!!! And, they just want to hang it up? I can't believe it.

There's talk of doing one more show but, at this point, why bother?

2011-10-02T01:40:00.001-05:00

Has it already been 28 days?

New job

2011-09-09T19:48:00.001-05:00

I quit my job. If you've read any of my old blogs, you'd realize that this was for the best. But, I didn't have a new lined out, like I usually do. So, I've been bored… a lot. I actually filed for unemployment. I was a little disappointed in myself but, I figured: with what's going on in the world, who knows when I'll be able to find a job, might as well.

Then, I found a job. It's nothing like my last job, which I believe will be a good thing. Plus, the hours are better, no weekends, AND, I get paid a little more.

I waited a bit to post this, because I wanted to throw my 1st day of training on here. It was pretty smooth. So far, the perks of this job are:
•More pay
•No weekends (unless there's some sort of craziness)
•They give me $6/day to eat (it's a meal card that I can use when I work!)
•FREE SWEET TEA!!!!!!!!

Do I really need to say anymore?

Oi.

2011-08-17T14:18:00.001-05:00

You know, volunteering for something can be a tough gig. Wanna know what makes it tougher? Rude people. I know, I know. You’re going to say, “But, Captain. Aren’t you an asshole?” Yes. Yes, I am.

I am such an asshole that, when you fuck with me (or people I associate with/care about), I get pissed. Then, I start getting ideas. Ideas like: “taking my ball & going home” or just not coming back after I make good on my obligation. Then, there’s the idea that, if I’m going to be treated poorly, then why bother to fulfill an obligation, at all?

My sense of loyalty is shot.

I’m starting to not give a fuck.

I’m starting to not care who knows.

Fuck you, very much.

Pile up

2011-08-16T09:12:00.001-05:00

I’ve been on a leave at work – for over a month. I still get paid but, it’s been a long time that I haven’t been at work. I’m not going into the details of why I’m not at work because, I’m not “supposed” to. All of this extra time has allowed me to ensure a new roof was put on my house (time to sell!) & that I’ve watched every movie I have wanted to see ever. When/if I go back to work, I’m not sure I’d even know what to do. But, I guess I’ll deal with that later.

There’s another thing giving me grief. I’m pissed off. It’s almost as if I’m angry for no real reason. Plus, it happens just about anywhere.

I need a change. Take that however.

Beware the moon.

2011-07-15T02:02:00.001-05:00

It's the same thing every month. The full moon hits & emotions run high. I don't know if it's the drummer in me that notices patterns or if it's the belief in the power of the moon. Either way, I still wish I was wrong.

I need a change.

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It's my day off.

2011-06-22T23:21:00.001-05:00

I'm not sure when I last posted an update. So, quick life update: I'm 35, now. My mother got me a lovely electric lawnmower. So, I now have a lawnmower that ALWAYS starts.
Roller Derby has been going well. I'm not really going into derby stuff right now. Back to the lawnmower. So… I'm mowing the lawn and I look up to see a gold Pontiac Grand Am (in my backyard) behind my fence.
My initial reaction? What's that doing there?
They can't park there!
So, I look around for an owner, get bored, & call the cops. It turns out that the car was stolen!
Last Sunday, this car was stolen &, today - Wednesday, it shows up behind my house. My special lady was, well… worried.
Turns out that the person who owns the car thinks that their child stole it… & left it in my backyard!

Now, on to Zeppelin: Zeppelin's sick.
He has Canine Auto-immune Hemolytic Anemia.
He has lost a LOT of weight. He ways less than 70 lbs. Today, I picked up & carried him up the back steps. I haven't carried him since he was a wee puppy. I am not ok with this. He's on so very many pills & he's not eating very much.

I'm going to stop typing now…

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Helpless

2011-06-12T05:42:00.001-05:00

My four-legged son is still sick. He has Auto-immune Hemolytic Anemia. He's on steroids & other stuff so his immune system will slow down & let himself heal.

Today, during the morning outside time, he looked drunk. He stumbled a couple of times. If I had a heart, it would be breaking.

Worried

2011-06-04T17:41:00.001-05:00

My boy, Zeppelin, is sick. I noticed, about a month ago, he was not feeling well. As usual with dogs, you let 1 week pass. That week passed and, he was doing better. But, he got sick again or was just faking being better, which doesn’t surprise me, at all.

So, the day after the 35th anniversary of my birth, Z & I headed to the vet:

They tell me he’s lost weight. 10 lbs.!!!!
They tell me that they’re going to take blood to check for blood born illnesses.
They tell me that his white blood cells are destroying his red blood cells.

Then they give me a list of pills that he will now take until further notice: A strong anti-biotic, another anti-biotic, a pill to coat his stomach so that we he takes the steroids, they won’t tear his stomach lining.

I am speechless. I am worried, to say the least.

It’s been a week since he’s been on the meds. He’s done with the strong anti-biotic, but he still takes 9 pills a day.

I haven’t seen him eat, except for the hot dog pieces surrounding the pills.

I haven’t seen him drink.

He doesn’t play.

He just sleeps.

I have a horrible suspicion that I will have to make a difficult decision soon. If it comes down to feeding him pills & him being miserable-possibly suffering; I can’t do that. But, the thought of taking him to be put down does not sit well, either.

Talk

2011-05-30T21:09:00.001-05:00

Today was supposed to be great. I went over to my friend's house, ate copious amounts of meat, slipped into a mild walking coma, then went home to check on my dog.
My dog is sick. His gums are very white & he's really skinny. I took him to the vet last Thursday & they told me that his blood work was weird. His white blood cell count is up & his red blood cell count is down. I know I literally have the answers at my finger tips & that I could look for what may be causing this but, I'm scared. I'm not ready for bad news. But, I guess no one ever is. I've been giving him a lot of anti-biotics, per vet orders, plus a pill to coat his intestinal wall & then a steroid. My dog is on steroids. He still looks bad. I feel like a bad parent. I'm helpless & I feel like a fucking child.
But, it's meat day & I'm just supposed to put all that shit away, right? (where's the damned sarcasm button?)
Meat day was after work - another nail in my coffin & a demon on my back. Today, [redacted] was so bat-shit crazy that, after yelling out to [also redacted], who ultimately had to be physically removed from the building; [redacted] proceeded to tap his/her head on the wall until s/he started to bleed a little. Keep in mind that [redacted] is insulting me, pretty much the entire time while head tapping.
But, fuck it, it's meat day. I don't give a fuck. That's the mind set of the day, right?
Wrong. I'm carrying shit (metaphorically, of course) around & I need to purge it.

But, who cares, right?

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Who cares about tattoos?!

2011-05-30T09:55:00.000-05:00

Seriously - why do people care about tattoos. My job makes it difficult for the tattooed folk to continue employment there. Forcing us to wear long pants and long sleeve shirts in the summer time - just to cover our skin? If the tattoo is un-offensive (broad spectrum, I know), then why force us to cover them under threat of reprimand?

That seems like discrimination.

It's always the same

2011-05-24T11:38:00.000-05:00

No matter what I do or say, the end result is the same: I'm always at fault. Always.

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Some firsts

2011-04-17T09:55:00.001-05:00

Some firsts have happened since I've complained last:

•Replacing an alternator - last winter, my truck battery straight up died. I remember because I took my scooter, in December, to go get the massive battery replaced. The battery was so corroded that, I broke the connectors trying to take out the battery.
So, I was quite surprised that my Truckwagon (f.k.a. the Danger Ranger) didn't start one morning. I was running a little bit early & I remember that it was raining. I walked out the front door & hit the unlock on the (I believe it's called a) fob & got to the door & found it was still locked.
Now, I use the fob for 2 reasons: 1) I'm lazy. 2) It's really convenient: when it's raining & your hands are full, it's a LOT easier to hit that button than to wrestle the key in the lock.
So, I hit the fob on my way out the door and it is pouring down rain. I got to the truck, noticed the door was locked, & hit the button again. Sometimes it doesn't work the 1st time.
Nothing. So, I wrestle my key into the lock, shifting my lunchbox & sippy-cup to my weaker hand, & plopped my wet ass into the seat, shutting the door as quick as I could - not noticing that the dome light failed to shine. I pop my key in the ignition & attempt to turn it over…
Nothing.
No idiots lights.
No pathetic whirring sound as the engine attempts to turn over.
No click-click-click-click-click which is always a great sound.
Just… nothing.

So, I got a ride to work, got a ride home, then took das scoot to work the next day. I jumped the Truckwagon later in the day & it started right up. Then, a few hours later, it was dead, again. So, after ANOTHER jump, I took ze dogs on a ride to a zone where they deal primarily with autos.
They were super busy. But, the guy behind the counter hooked the Truckwagon up to some do-hickey that told him that, while my alternator was working, it wasn't working to it's full capacity. Sooooooooo, I bought an alternator.

Then, I called my buddy who knows about installing such mechanical beasts & we got it done in about an hour. It would have been quicker but serpentine belts are (in my opinion) tricky.

•Crazy - I've worked at my current job for over 4 years & in that time, I have seen & heard some crazy stuff. Usually, when I hear about stuff, it doesn't make as much of an impact as it does when I see it. [redacted] went to the time out room the other day because calming in [redacted]'s room wasn't an option. I should have known I was in for a treat when I knocked on [redacted]'s door & said: "Hey, [redacted], would you feel more comfortable refocusing in the time out room?"
[redacted]: "Sure!" <-- said with an emphatic tone. My suspicion immediately increased. See, [redacted] had never been to time out (at least to my knowledge) & I was interested to see how [redacted] was going to react.
[redacted] reacted by licking the plexiglass window - you know, the window where countless others have spit, picked noses & wiped it on the window? Yeah, that window. Then [redacted] licked the chalkboard wall, then dry-humped the floor… then the wall. Then [redacted] did something I've never seen. After threatening to urinate on my fellow staff (no big deal), [redacted] decided that, since the equipment was out, might as well see how it works. After rubbing genitalia on the door, the chalk board, the walls, & the floor; [redacted] pulls up the shirt & down the pants & starts masturbating, furiously. This was a first for me. I immediately looked at my fellow staff & said, "Well, I've never seen that before."
[redacted] went from zero to bat-shit crazy in 5 minutes.

•Felt bad for the team I referee for - I ref for a local roller derby team & the past two games, I've felt empathy for them due to their loss. Last night, for instance, the team lost 217 to 44. They put up a fair game but, I don't think that's how derby works… & it brings me down a little.

•been told "I don't give a fuck" by someone important as I was trying to explain the way I felt. I can't tell you how deflated I felt.
Empty.

That was a real first.

My life is backwards

2011-03-19T17:16:00.001-05:00

I wake up & the moon is setting in the sky.

At the end of my day, the moon is replaced by the sun.

I spend my day indoors, sometimes venturing out at night.

Currently, my whole life feels like it’s a bit off &, I thought about what might come.

I am not pleased.

I’m not sure (entirely) what’s going on, but... I’ve been a part of writing a lot of music.

2011-03-03T01:51:00.001-06:00

So, I don’t write music, per se (pronounced "per say". I’m too tired to care about the correct inflection with said "e".) But, I do like to contribute rhythms. Today has been filled with polar opposites. I’ve been really, really sick; in a sort of redundant sort of way & I’ve been really creative.

The sick side of me has been miserable.

However, the creative side of me has help write 3-5 new songs! That’s right: a handful of Guy Morgan and the FT Crew songs as well as some new Tone Def All Stars songs.

The best part? I think I found Guy Morgan a place to play!

Lay-tur, turds.

The man I was

2011-02-16T07:16:00.001-06:00

I used to be nice.
I used to see people laughing & it would make me smile.
I'd see children playing & laughing & I would, again, smile.
I used to smile, in general.
I used to know how to have a good time without altering my state of consciousness.
I used to WANT to go do things.
I used to be fun.
I used to have a sense of humor & was able to see the good in things.

Then I took a job dealing with the mentally unstable on a daily basis.

Now? I'm fucked.

Now? I'm a bit of a "hard-ass", a "buzz kill" - remember that show?
I feel like I could ruin a fun time for just about anyone.
In fact, if you're reading this & start to feel upset, just go to a different site.
Go to www.postsecret.com & be amazed.
Or stay here & watch me vent.
Now? I don't care to be around people that often.
It's nothing that anyone says/does but, sometimes… I just can't.
Also, I don't like kids.
No, really, there are VERY few times that I am ok around children.
Obviously, family is ok because, I see them so rarely.
But, random children? Forget it.
The same goes for people who act like fools in public.
Sometimes… those people are intolerable.
When that happens, I leave.

I really need to find a job.
I feel like if I worked in a different place, I might have my faith in humanity restored.

Unwind

2011-01-15T21:32:00.001-06:00

Wow, 2 posts in a night. This almost makes up for last week. Almost.

I’m slowly unwinding from my week. It’s been irritating but not overly stressful. I had derby practice tonight. I attempted my 10 laps in 1m 35s. This is a requirement to be able to referee for the Women’s Flat Track Derby Association. My time was 1m 44s. 9 seconds. 9. While my friends were very supportive, I have never felt older. I just couldn’t get my body to do what I wanted.

But, I’m still unwinding. 1m 44s is pretty good considering that previously, when I would skate these laps, I’d have someone telling me the time every lap. This totally got inside my head & I would stop at about lap 5. I instructed my buddies to not tell me the time until I was done. 9 seconds over…

When I started tonight’s blog, I was sitting in front of my new outside fireplace thingy. That’s the official term. Since I am unwinding, I’m not going to look up the correct spelling for chimnea. I’m just not. I don’t care. That’s right. At this moment, I don’t care about spelling. Yeah…

I’ve been trying a new strategy at work. When I ask my clients to do something, I ask once. When they don’t do whatever I’ve asked them, I make a note of it & move on. I’m trying to be more fluid. That sounded weird but, that’s what I’ve been trying. Eventually, the strategy worked. But, there was a couple of “Hey, Captain. Your plan is failing.” Even I said it once or twice. But, I have a good team.

All right. Enough sappy shit. Time to go back to listening to my playlist. Thank you iTunes. You make life easier sometime.

I'm ok

2011-01-15T20:41:00.001-06:00

I've been tweeting back & forth with my friend Margo: a fellow Rec Therapy person. It's making me want to get off my ass & take my CTRS exam.
What stops me is the $ & the possibility of failure.

I am afraid.

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Gonna try this...

2011-01-01T22:01:00.001-06:00

All right, kids. It’s the start of twenty-eleven & I’m going to try to do more things this year. This is not a resolution. I don’t think those things work. So, I’m just going to say I’ll try.

Today: woke up late, got on the scoot & got some sweet tea and some Arby’s. I made a rash decision & decided not to get a Monster.

Don’t get me wrong. I love Monsters. Love. Them. I drink (in excess) the Lo-Carb Monsters in the black can with the blue M.

But, not today.

Then, I met up with my friends in Scooter Klub & we went for a ride. Nowhere in particular, just a ride. It was Alan, Luke, Dylan (Luke’s son), & Dustin. Once we finally got under way, (we’re notorious for running late) we decided to go get Rick: since he was still asleep.

Alan was on his Bajaj (Indian Vespa), Luke was on an old Honda Passport (for some reason), Dylan was on Luke’s scooter (some Chinese brand), & Dustin was on Frankenstein (a freak scooter that Alan made out of a mini-chopper and a Chinese scoot. It’s quite a sight).

Currently, I’m watching I’m Still Here. Haven’t seen it? I’m not entirely sure you should. I’m also not entirely sure that this is a serious effort. I’m kind of waiting for the punch line on this movie.

Aaaaaaand, I turned the movie off. Oh well.

On the The IT Crowd.

Duty

2010-12-26T23:19:00.001-06:00

Today's post comes to you from a slightly stressed Captain.
As the holy days quickly fall behind us, my thoughts are drawn to duties. Everyone has duties, whether they are prepared to deal with those duties is an entirely different matter.
Family duties: Arguably, one of the toughest duties of all. Here you sit with people that (may have) made you what you are today. Do they like what they see?
This time around, my mother's side of the family got to know a little more about where I work & what I do there. They were at a loss when I told them some of the stories I have from my job.
Some said they couldn't do it.
Others said they don't know how I do it.
I didn't have an answer.

Then, there's friend duties.
My best friend dates a guy which I am acquainted with. I know of him but, we haven't socialized enough for me to trust him.
A few nights ago and I was cordial. Some migjt even say "friendly".

Then there's the duties we bring upon ourselves.
I referee for a roller derby team. I have a duty to make sure I'm up to speed on calls & rule changes.
I was running a committee but, I stepped down as committee chair due to differences of opinion. I'm not sure the rest of the team knows why I stepped down, nor do I think they care. What matters to me is that I did right by me. And, at the end of the day, the only person anyone should answer to is themself.
But, know this: if I say I'm going to do something, bet your ass that I'm doing it! Maybe that's why I stepped off the committee. Because people aren't keeping their ends of the deal.

If you feel a twinge or get a feeling I might be talking about you; good. Because, if you aren't keeping your end of the deal, not pulling your weight, or any other euphimism you can think of: Then, yes; I'm talking about you.
Quit fucking around & get your shit together.

Want to know what the best part is?
Help is just a phone call away.

Duty. Heh heh. Sounds like poop.

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So far, Crimmus has been good.

2010-12-23T16:41:00.001-06:00

In addition to a box of used syringes, I got a flashlight/taser!

The gift that keeps on giving… burn marks.

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The best Christmas present ever.

2010-12-18T21:54:00.000-06:00

This is the greatest gift(s) that I have ever received.

Look at the picture. Really look at it.
It was taken at my Aunt & Uncle's house, in their bathroom, shortly after it was given to me.
Before you think sinister thoughts, know this: The person who gave this to me is lower functioning; essentially, what I work with at my wonderful job. My relative means well; really.
But, [redacted] also goes through people's trash… and steals… and, that's a problem.
Compound that with the limited mental faculties and you have the above pic.
Now, let's really look at this picture; this gift.

The thing on the right is a cattle injector, used for injecting cattle with dosages of vitamins, antibiotics, whatever.
What am I going to do with it? Well, it's broken so, I really don't know.
Now, the box on the left… That's the awesome part.
That is a box full of used syringes.
Used.
Syringes.
Some are for cattle but, not all. Scary shit, eh?
This is the greatest Christmas gift I have ever received. Why? LOOK at it! This is a great story!

Here's how it all went down:
First, [redacted] gives me the cattle injector. I immediately notice it's broken but, shrug it off because it's [redacted]; it's just something my family accepts.
Then, [redacted] hands me a plastic box, covered in greasy handprints. I take my "gifts" into the other room & show my cousins the injector. Then I rattle the box.
My cousin looks at me & says, "What's in it?"
I shake the box & reply,
"I have no idea."
My other cousin says,
"It's probably a box of used needles."
And then we all have a laugh.
Then I opened the box.
I'm chuckling now, as I type this: because, it WAS a box of used needles!
We all take a careful look & then pictures get taken, like the one above.

I say again, this is the greatest gift I have ever been given. I will have a story to tell, to entertain with.

"Captain, what did you do with the box of syringes?"
Well, I thanked [redacted] for the gift & that I couldn't accept it. I then asked [redacted] to please take the gift back & I asked that the box be wrapped in duct tape & thrown away. I made [redacted] promise.
Then, I hugged my relative & wished [redacted] a Merry Christmas.

This is a fucked up world we live in.
I hope you have a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Great Festivus, whatever… just be careful & try not to take shit too seriously.

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Good, but cautious Samaritan

2010-12-13T23:36:00.000-06:00

As I was leaving an establishment just a few minutes ago; I paused to zip up my hoodie & jacket, because it's 13 degrees outside.
Then, someone whom I had never seen before walks up & says, "Hey man. Whatcha doin'? Heading home?
I say, "Yeah. It's about that time."
He then proceeds to tell me how cold it is outside.
"I work @ [redacted]. My buddy was supposed to show up after work, meet me here, & give me a ride home."
Then he asks me for a ride home.

Now, in case you stumbled upon this: I am not a person who gives random rides to strangers. But, it was cold, he showed me his uniform from where he worked & asked me for help.

So, I gave the dude a ride to ALMOST where he wanted to go (His destination was past mine).

All in all, I felt pretty safe. Although, I did have access to a screwdriver… just in case it wasn't safe.

Haven't blogged in a while…

2010-12-03T09:30:00.000-06:00

So, I thought I would. Tonight is an awards banquet in which my special lady & I will be attending. Maybe it's the age talking; maybe it's the lack of sleep, but: I'm looking forward to tonight.
I will hang out with acquaintances & a few friends.

Plus, I have a suit, now.

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Today

2010-11-10T06:34:00.001-06:00

Not off to a good start.

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You have no idea

2010-11-09T02:32:00.001-06:00

How tired I am.

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Fed up

2010-11-03T23:36:00.000-05:00

I'm a member of a roller derby league. A referee for a small derby league, at that.
That being said: I am sick of roller derby!
No, really: shut the fuck up about it.
I realize that it's an awesome sport & that it builds team spirit and blah fucking blah. What it actually does is allow a bunch of women to vent & blow off steam while skating in a circle and hitting each other.
Also: it allows their monthly cycles to, well, cycle up.
What does this mean?
Simple: it means stupid people making stupid decisions which have stupid consequences & end up pissing off OTHER stupid people.

I am done with this shit.
Fuck.

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Blah Blag Blog

2010-10-22T07:57:00.000-05:00

I'm just not feeling it today. Not at all. I'm sure at some point there will be a conflict with a possible resolution but, well… whatever.
I have lost interest in a sport in which I have spent way too much money. I wonder that, if I quit, would it be just like scuba diving? Would I miss diving? With the money that I spent on this sport, I could have went diving a few times over.
The problem is: I don't want to dive just anywhere. I want to dive in water that has good visibility. The closest place to dive, in the region where I live, is like driving in fog.
I have purchased a small motorcycle (looks like a scooter). I enjoy riding. Not the daily commute, mind you, but the open road.
The question is: how do I start enjoying life again? My day-to-day is pretty stagnant.

I gotta go to work. Another time, perhaps.

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Things are pretty good…

2010-08-26T09:21:00.001-05:00

Things are going well here on the South Pacific. The kitchen is coming along nicely, the mice are s l o w l y being thwarted, the dogs are doing well (although, it’s time for another flea treatment), and some friends are coming to visit tomorrow!

There’s a show at Breakaway’s to raise some $ for the Cape Girardeau Roller Girls! At this lovely event will be both of the bands I’m currently involved with. One band practices a hell of a lot more than the other. Yet, both are equally entertaining to watch and fun to be in. It’s kind of amazing. What does two bands back to back mean? It means I’m going to be a tired Captain.

Angry.

2010-08-22T11:08:00.001-05:00

Yeah. Angry. I love it when someone else's problem somehow becomes my problem. I'm 34 years old & I'm not putting up with any problems that I don't directly affect.

So, if you're causing me problems… this is your chance to stop.

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I'm broke

2010-08-05T22:39:00.000-05:00

If you see me; buy me food.

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Everything’s fine…

2010-06-03T05:45:00.001-05:00

No,really. Maybe not, though.

This has to be commented upon…

2010-05-25T23:51:00.001-05:00

So, I referee for the Cape Girardeau Roller Girls. I’m running the practices (which, I love) & I think I’m pretty much in line to be the head referee of this league. Several of my friends also derby. I will use their derby names to keep anonymity.

In alphabetical order: Bettie Bootheel, Mae Bury, Billie Luxx, & Eva Meandes, Pebbles Smashstone, just to name a few…

Now, as I work with these women, I get more and more insight into the pure craziness that is the female. For instance: the most disturbing thing I have ever heard in my entire life…

Women cycle up.

Re-read that sentence.

The more women spend time together, shop, chat, derby, even if most of it is spent on the phone; as time continues its path, they will eventually have their periods at the same time!

Lee

Shit

Doesn’t that bother you? I mean, how does that even work?! Seriously, people. I’m freaking out. How can different people, with different genes, & different personalities all get their "Are you there God? It’s me, Margaret” around the same time?

This has already begun, people. I don’t think you fully understand the problems this can cause. For starters: 40 bad ass roller girls all PMS-ing simultaneously – and at the same time, too.*

I’m a little scared for those around me… and me… Let’s face it, I piss people off: I’m good at it. I can’t fathom pissing off these women.

But, like I said, the fellowship of the nuvaring has begun. But, this will be a learning experience for me, as well as for them.

Pray.

*sorry, that’s an old joke for my old friends, who might read this…

Birthday recap:

2010-05-25T23:40:00.001-05:00

So, I woke up, went to work (one of my co-workers bought me lunch – Thanks, Dale), went to a meeting (where they sang happy birthday…), came home, took a power nap (a birthday must), then went to get some gyros at a local establishment.

Whilst @ said establishment, I asked the owner (I assume) what he was going to do with those fabulous hookahs he has on the back shelf. He replied by telling me that the Health Inspector would not let him due to blah blah blah.

“So, want to sell one?” I asked.

“Yes.”

“Sweet. I’ll be back before you close up shop.”

So, I went back and bought myself a birthday hookah.

That, combined with the rims my Special Lady bought me, makes this a pretty sweet birthday.

But, the comment of the day has to go to my mother…

She asked the cook if he was slaving away, making the baklava… the black cook…

Words can not describe…

Birthday wishes & caviar dreams….

2010-05-24T23:31:00.001-05:00

So, it’s my birthday in about 40 minutes. What am I doing awake? Simple, Mondays are my day off; Mondays are the day I have roller derby practice. After practice, there’s usually some sort of food gathering.

Yesterday (Sunday), I had a party, courtesy of my Special Lady. There was BBQ, beer, busket, cupcakes, the works!

“Captain, what’s a busket?”

I’m glad you asked. A busket is a bucket filled with lemons & limes (cut up), some type of lemon lime soda (might as well go cheap), ice, vodka, & gin. The best part of a busket? It’s only served one way: Turkey basters.

Needless to say, this concoction can make a party quite messy, and entertaining.

There was bocce ball, Three Man (with busket in tow), friends old & new, kids, dogs… it was a party! If you didn’t go, you missed out. If I didn’t invite you, sorry… ask me why. I may have forgotten.

Much fun was had by all…

Money can’t buy happiness?

2010-05-18T15:54:00.001-05:00

So, as I write this, my brain is filling with doubt as to whether or not I did the right thing, made the best decision. Here’s what happened since 2:30…

I come back from a meeting to see a client commit a rule infraction.
I comment on said rule infraction, informing said client that certain behaviors could result in certain consequences.
Said client blows up (figuratively) because said behaviors did result in consequences.
After a brief cooling period, said resident then says, “Fuck all of you & everybody else.”
I ignore this & finish my paperwork.
I bike home, missing two phone calls on the way.
I arrive home, check my phone, & call the number.

It was then that I had to decide whether or not I was going to take a new job. A job that:

pays more
has less stress
room for advancement

A job that:

has two shifts available

3pm to 11pm
4pm to 12am

What’s the problem? Well, there’s a few, actually….

I feel that I would see my Special Lady less if I take this job.
I feel that I would have to quit roller derby – yes, roller derby, if I take this job.
I feel that I might start into some bad habits if I take this job. Before, when I worked an evening shift job, I would come home, people would be asleep or drunk and I had to choose on whether or not to sleep or drink.

If you actually read this crap, you’d know that I picked the latter, almost every time.

So, what did I do?

I respectfully said, “No, thank you.”

Comments? Questions? Concerns?

Yes, I could have used the extra ca$h.

But, what’s life if you can’t live it?

H,mmm

2010-04-29T05:48:00.001-05:00

The other night I had a dream in which, the person I was talking to, their face was perpetually melting. Not like Raiders of the Lost Ark, but close.
More important: this person was chasing me but I wasn't running.

Weird, huh?

- Posted using BlogPress from my phone: because it does that, too.

Morning haiku

2010-04-27T05:33:00.001-05:00

The morning after
Roller Derby practice is…
Just a little rough.

Five hours of sleep
Followed by eight hours work.
The Captain's sleepy.

- Posted using BlogPress from my phone: because it does that, too.

I'm beginning to hate my job.

2010-04-20T09:36:00.000-05:00

No, seriously. The kids are terrible & the director of the facility has started giving people grief over tattoos. If this continues, I'm going to talk to her & ask her if she's trying to get people to quit.

Terrible.

- Posted using BlogPress from my phone: because it does that, too.

The day after…

2010-04-19T08:12:00.001-05:00

Saturday night, I was fortunate enough to be a shadow referee at the Southern Illinois Roller Girls (SIRG) Fling into Spring.

What did I learn? I learned a few of the hand signals & a some of “what to look for”. Mostly, I learned of what it was to be a part of something that didn’t come with a paycheck. I was there on my own time, my own skates, some borrowed pads, my own helmet.

It was nice.

After the bout, the after party was at PK’s in Carbondale. I love PK’s. Punk shows and canned beer.

I’ve been busy.

2010-04-16T19:01:00.001-05:00

No, really. Busy. This week, the roller derby league that my special lady is involved in had the first practice.

Wait, lemme tell you about roller derby first. Cape has a roller derby league. The name is the Cape Girardeau Roller Girls. What do I have to do with it? Simple, I wanna officiate. In order to officiate, I must:

learn to skate (check)
buy some skates (check)
buy some protective gear (well, I’ve got a helmet and a cup. It’s a start.)
learn to fall with skill (check)
shadow some current referees and learn the ways of the official. (I’m shadowing a ref tomorrow!)

Skilled falling: So, the team spent the first practice learning to fall. I fell pretty well (gravity and I are old friends). My true test of falling is when I was rounding a turn and there was a teeny, tiny, itty-bitty little piece of plastic/rubber (I believe the term is) thingy.

This could’ve easily fit inside a piece of uncooked macaroni, it was so small.

Regardless, my right skate ran that little thingy over and straight up stopped. My left skate kept going. So, I fell… with skill. I immediately got back up and started skating.

There were a few of the girls who said, “Good fall” and thought I did it on purpose. Nope.

So, that was my first practice with the CGRG. I need to practice because refs gotta skate just as much as the teams.

That was Monday.

Tuesday

this band I’m in called the Tone Def All Stars decided to practice. I was shocked. It went well, we sat and shot the shit for a bit, which I feel is necessary, since I don’t necessarily hang out with anyone in the band on a regular basis.

Wednesday

I had the night off.

Thursday?

Oh, I had practice, just like tonight. Only, after tonight’s practice, there will be a small show. I don’t really care for small shows – mainly ‘cause I like to get paid to play drums. What can I say? I used to be a professional drummer. Meaning: I got paid.

You don’t really get paid for these basement shows but, it’s a good practice. Maybe the intrinsic reward will be enough.

Probably.

Tomorrow?

Work and then shadowing a ref for the SIRG (Southern Illinois Roller Girls). The awesome thing? I think I get to skate!

That’s good for now…

2010-04-13T07:28:00.001-05:00

This week's gonna be rough: Derby practice (I wanna ref!) last night, band practice tonight, different band practice Thursday night, gig Friday night, shadow-reffing Saturday night & working @ 6am all week long.

Pushing buttons…

2010-04-09T20:37:00.001-05:00

Everything's pissing me off. Ev. Re. Thing.
From the fucking kids @ work, the kids on my block, & the dog-shit in the house; I've fucking had it up to here. <---

I don't know what I need to do different, but it needs to happen. Right. Now.

On the bright side: I think the mouse problem is pretty much under control.

Grrrrrr.

- Posted using BlogPress from my phone: because it does that, too.

Can't sleep

2010-04-06T03:23:00.000-05:00

Can't sleep

I was asleep a couple of hours ago. Long story short: I'm still talking in my sleep - apparently to my ex-wife. Thing is: I don't miss the ex. I miss the dog - sad, I know. Still, I have no idea why I continue to talk to the ex in my sleep.

I have to be "awake" in less than 2 hrs.

- Posted using BlogPress from my phone: because it does that, too.

So, I walk into [redacted] Auto…

2010-03-29T10:12:00.000-05:00

Me: My tags are due in April & I need my truck inspected.
Dude: Ok.
Me: The truck pulls to the right & shakes when you drive it.
Dude: Alright
Me: If you decide to rotate the tires, there's some bolt cutters on the passenger seat to cut the bike lock that's attached to the tire.
Dude: Uh-huh… Well, if we rotate, we don't rotate the spare.
Me: Oh, that's not the spare. I had to get a new tire last time, so I've been driving on the spare for about a year.
Dude: O…kay.
Me: Oh, and I have no idea when the oil was changed last.
Dude: Got it.

What can I say, I like to walk & ride bikes.

- Posted using BlogPress from my phone: because it does that, too.

F@€k off Friday!

2010-03-26T09:04:00.001-05:00

I awoke to find pug-shit on the floor.
I shake my head in disgust & make my way downstairs only to find MORE pug-shit at the foot of the stairs.
Again, I shake my head in disgust & make my way through the mess that is the "bike room".
I walk into the living room to find that the pug has gotten into the ashtray - again.
After giving the pug the Evil eye, I walk into the kitchen, only to find evidence of more mice, i.e. mice-shit.
After cleaning the dog bowl, I put out some food for the boys & begin to let them out in the backyard.
I open the door to the backyard & see something on the otherside of the screen.
It appears to be the "service entrance", hanging right in front of the door.
What, you may ask, is the "service entrance"?
That's where power-lines attach to your house.
Why is the service entrance hanging in such a precarious manner?
Because a tree has fallen on the power-lines. Thankfully, I still have power.
I need a chainsaw, the electric people, some fencing, & an electrician.
Fuck off Friday.

- Posted using BlogPress from my phone: because it does that, too.

I should be asleep…

2010-03-12T22:22:00.001-06:00

I work tomorrow

I am still awake. Not good.

C’mon sleep… c’mon!

Mega Mouse X

2010-03-09T05:49:00.001-06:00

So, If you look over there ------------------------------------------------> you’ll eventually notice a link to a picture. That picture is of 2 dead mice floating in a bucket. Mice #8 & 9, as I’ve affectionately called them.

Mouse 10, (I’m dropping the #’s; this is getting serious) is a clever little bastard. Perhaps, s/he is the mastermind behind all of the other mice (attacks) sightings. I can just picture it:

10: “Hey, Mortimer*, why don’t you scope us out some food? When I was running across all of the clean dishes, I noticed some peanut butter on the floor.”

Mortimer: “Yeah, that sounds like a plan.” (proceeds to eat said peanut butter) SNAP!!!

10: “Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to pay our respects to dear Mortimer. Mortimer loved to eat…”

Captain’s note: Currently, Zeppelin is “nose-in” to the stove, a.k.a. “Mouse Central” The mice like to switch up strongholds. Usually, it’s the stove but, I have a sneaky suspicion that the refrigerator may have some dwellers. I hate this house.

Today, I walk into the kitchen to find that the butter knife (see earlier posts) has absolutely zero peanut butter left. Zero.

This makes me a little Surly. Luckily, Zeppelin’s on the case.

Oh, well. Gotta go to work.

*all the mice have ridiculous names

2/24/10

2010-02-24T05:16:00.000-06:00

My dream: I was in McDonald's, watching some sort of animated program on my phone.
I'm near a trash can. Someone walks in & says, "Oh, what is that crap you're watching? Did you PAY for that?"
This dude just kept going on & on about this.
The first thing I say is, "Fuck you"- quite loudly, much to the dismay of those around me. One woman covered he child's ears amidst the gasps of shock.
The man returns with, "What? What did you say to me? I can't believe you said that." - again, continuing to go on & on.
I walk directly up to this man, "I said, It's my phone & I can do what I want with it."
He became very agitated &, while using his hands for emphatic effect, touched my shoulder. "Do not touch me, again."

And that was the end of the dream.

Let's analyze this: I don't eat McDonald's anymore. I haven't eaten that swill (regularly) since I was in high school.

I don't understand the animated program part @ all.

The loud vulgar response I believe represents my past. Rebellion for shock value. - Lame.

The 2nd time, where I walk up to the man & quietly talk to him? That could be owning up to choices, taking responsibility.

The don't touch me part is obviously MC Hammer.
Or, more likely, a little rebellion left within.

I'm not sure, but the man could represent society, or at least the voice of society, condemning me for my choice.

Oh well, this is pretty heavy so early in the AM.

Lies kids tell

2010-02-20T21:59:00.001-06:00

So, I’ve decided to keep track of the random ridiculous stories that I hear from kids. My medium of choice is twitter with the hash tag (# for you non-twitter-folk) #Lies_kids_tell. I do enjoy it.

You can follow some of twitter right over there ---------->

But, here’s what I got so far:

(In reverse order)

Optimus Prime is parked in front of my house. He’s got NOS. (You mean Nitrous?) No. NOS.
My cheetah sleeps under my bed. I tried to get him to go play, but he wouldn’t. His name is Chester.
If there’s a thunderstorm outside, he’ll (the cheetah) will jump right up on me and sleep.
Cheetahs can’t growl. They make squeaking noises.
Once I accidentally stepped on my cheetah’s tail. It got mad and started to chase me. But, I outran him and hid in a wall.
My dad hires all sorts of truckers and we never run ‘em on the interstate because they’re always overloaded.
We have lions in the woods behind our house. (Lions aren’t native to [redacted]. Oh, then we definitely have panthers.*
I learned to drive a semi before I could drive a regular car. My dad let me drive it in the woods.
I got three cell phones: An iPhone, a Razor, and a Blackberry.
I worked at Burger King two years before coming to this place! (You’re 16 and have been institutionalized for 3 years.)
The church gave me that bible! (The kid scratched out the facility’s name and put in [redacted]name.)
My dad gots a mountain lion in a cage that he caught in on our property.
I got a farm license. I can drive anything.
One time, me and my buddy (in a different cottage) stole a truck, bought some beer and drove drunk through my dad’s field.
In my hometown, my dad shot a hippopotamus that escaped from the circus, when it came to town.
At home, they let 17 year-olds into strip clubs. (Why? So they can visit their mothers? Hey-o!)
We had a black bear that we trained to come up on our porch. My dad’s gonna try and pet it.
I used to smoke 3 packs a day.
I cut my leg with a chainsaw before.
My dad has a tank and he lets me drive it.

That’s all I have for now. But, as you can see: Some of it is pure gold.

*Note: while panthers have been found in the state that I work in, the odds of this kid having a panther in the woods behind [redacted] house are astronomical.

My Modern Life

2010-02-18T05:50:00.001-06:00

Watch and then realize that this is your life. You are born, before you know it, you are older, you get your fair share of knowledge, a dog, and then your blasted into life.

The American dream

2010-02-17T15:22:00.001-06:00

Yup. I’m going broke. I don’t have enough money to pay for the credit cards I had originally taken out and eat. Don’t get me wrong. I didn’t get in the mess alone. But it will be me that takes care of it.

Fuck.

2010-02-17T05:02:00.001-06:00

Nothing like a foul mood to follow you all night & into the morning. Fuck you, Wednesday.

I received this via email: don’t sue me.

2010-02-14T18:05:00.001-06:00

So, I seriously doubt that this is actually from Bill Cosby.

I still find this pretty effing interesting.

I’d vote for this guy…

(edited for redundancy)

AMERICA NEEDS A CANDIDATE WITH THIS PLATFORM!!

(1). Any use of the phrase: 'Press 1 for English' is immediately banned. English is the official language; speak it or wait outside of our borders until you can.

(2). We will immediately go into a two year isolationist attitude in order to straighten out the greedy big business posture in this country. America will allow NO imports, and we'll do no exports. We will use the 'Wal-Mart 's policy, 'If we ain't got it, you don't need it.' We'll make it here and sell it here!

(3). When imports are allowed, there will be a 100% import tax on it coming in here.

(4). All retired military personnel will be required to man one of the many observation towers located on the southern border of the United States (six month tour). They will be under strict orders not to fire on SOUTHBOUND aliens.

(5). Social Security will immediately return to its original state. If you didn't put nuttin in, you ain't gettin nuttin out. Neither the President nor any other politician will be able to touch it.

(6). Welfare. -- Checks will be handed out on Fridays, at the end of the 40 hour school week, the successful completion of a urinalysis test for drugs, and passing grades.

(7). Professional Athletes -- Steroids? The FIRST time you check positive you're banned from sports .... for life.

(8). Crime -- We will adopt the Turkish method, i.e., the first time you steal, you lose your right hand... There is no more 'life sentences'. If convicted of murder, you will be put to death by the same method you chose for the victim you killed: gun, knife, strangulation, etc.

(9). One export of ours will be allowed: wheat; because the world needs to eat. However, a bushel of wheat will be the exact price of a barrel of oil..

(10). All foreign aid, using American taxpayer money, will immediately cease and the saved money will help to pay off the national debt and, ultimately, lower taxes. When disasters occur around the world, we'll ask The American People if they want to donate to a disaster fund, and each citizen can make the decision as to whether, or not, it's a worthy cause.

(11). The Pledge of Allegiance will be said every day at school and every day in Congress.

(12).. The National Anthem will be played at all appropriate ceremonies, sporting events, outings, etc.

My apology is offered if I've stepped on anyone's toes .... nevertheless....

GOD BLESS AMERICA !

Sincerely, Bill Cosby

___________________________________________________

Dead Beat Parent Beat Dead

2010-02-13T15:47:00.001-06:00

One of my clients had a birthday this week.
Did the client's mother come to visit said client on his/her birthday?
No.
What a horrible person you are, ma'am.
You squirted this child into the world; then, because you're such an awesome parent: your child ends up under my care.
At the very least: you could come visit YOUR OWN FUCKING CHILD ON HIS/HER BIRTHDAY!

If you didn't want a child, you could've opted for adoption or abortion.
Either choice would have been better than the life you've given [redacted].

Fuck you, lady. Fuck you.

2010-02-13T08:49:00.001-06:00

Hate

Outgrowing and growing out

2010-02-11T16:05:00.001-06:00

I’ve been looking at jobs. Jobs out of state. Why? Because I’m tired of this place. I’m tired of Cape Girardeau. I’m tired of Southeast Missouri. I’m tired of Missouri, in general.

I’ve been looking at Washington, Virginia, and Texas.

Why? Because that’s where the jobs are.

Here’s what’s scary: Moving. I moved away from home when I was 19… to here.

Now, I need to find a real job and a real place to live.

Currently: My work hours don’t really allow me to live the life I’d like to. I like to bike ride. I like to bike ride with friends. Unfortunately, all my friends work different hours than I do. They go bike riding during the hours that I sleep. I ask if they could go bike riding on a day where I could join them, but they can’t/won’t.

So, I guess I’ve outgrown my friends. I haven’t really ridden my bike (for a long time) in a long time. This, along with being pretty effing content, has caused my body to “grow out”.

Yup, I’m fat again.

It’s quite annoying.

So, I should just sell as much crap as possible and find a jobby-job and get the heck outta Dodge.

Obituary

2010-02-10T05:55:00.001-06:00

I awoke this morning to find the last of my nemeses floating in the water bowl. Apparently, this tiny gray thing had committed suicide. I recall our last encounter:

Mouse: *scampers across counter & hides behind toaster oven*

Me: “I see you, mouse! I will get you! Your days are numbered.” *thumps the toaster oven*

Mouse: *runs from behind the toaster oven into the Mouse Cave a.k.a. the stove*

Me: “Ah ha! I see you!”

And that was the last time I saw this little gray thing alive. I went to the kitchen this morning (as I often do) and carefully walked in to see if I could catch the mouse on the path from the sink to the stove, but I did not.

I guess the mouse got me one last time.

I lost this battle but ultimately won the war.

Mouse

2010-02-07T10:56:00.001-06:00

I've got a mouse in the house.
It is quite annoying to have said mouse because I don't immediately wash the dishes.
Then, when I do wash the dishes, I leave them to dry in the drying rack.
Then, that little disease ridden, flea infested bastard walks all over the counter, the drying rack, & everything else pooping all over everything.
Then I curse.
I talked to my buddy (Alan) & he tells me to build a better mousetrap, after many, MANY failed attempts with a traditional snaptrap.
What is pictured above is a better mousetrap. A butter knife with a dash of peanut butter precariously balanced on the edge of the counter. Below it is a bucket of water.
Now, to a bleeding heart, disease infested, animal lover: this sounds cruel.
But, people kill each other over religion, so I can kill a mouse that carries parasites that have a history of carrying The Plague.

Next, Air Mouse.

It's on the bottom row, next to the Clock application.
This handy-dandy little application allows me to sit my fat ass on the couch & use my phone's touch screen as a touch pad similar to that of a laptop.
I use this touch pad to control my laptop, which is connected to my TV.
This fuels my addiction to LOST. I'm on the season 2 finale, time to get back to it.

- Posted using BlogPress from my phone: because it does that, too.

Ex-box

2010-02-04T02:51:00.001-06:00

It's official. As of January 26th, I am divorced. I have an ex-life, ex-wife, ex-in-laws, ex-dog (I have Zep. All is right with the world), ex-car (I liked that car), ex-pictures, ex-cetera.
Why am I telling you (all 4 of you) this?
Well, it's a part of my life. A chapter, if you will. The book of Divorce in the Bible of Ron. Get it?
So, now that ze chapter has ended, what now? Now, I get off my ass and get my paperwork in order for my certification test. This is the next step in becoming a CTRS (Certified Therapeutic Recreation Specialist).
I've received my Bachelor of Science in Recreation, taken the required extra courses, begged for the $ to sit for the exam, now it's time to get moving.
Who's with me?

Not having fun

2010-01-30T12:39:00.001-06:00

Foul moods spread.

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I'm pretty boring

2010-01-28T08:49:00.000-06:00

Really. It's true. I'm relatively boring to be around/go out with. I don't really ever go out without someone else going out & I don't really talk to people all that much. Even people I've known forever.
I don't know why I am this way & I'm not sure if I can change it.
I'm fairly boring for the following reasons:
1. I like to sit at home. Sure, the house is cold but, at the end of the night, I don't have to go anywhere.
2. I don't do drugs. It seems like people who have abused some serious drugs (coke, heroin, etc) are more lively, possibly more fun to be around. Perhaps the reason is that they are happy to be on/off of the aforementioned substances.
3. I miss my dog when I leave the house. In an ideal world, Zeppelin would be able to go where I go.
Look at this sweet dog:

How could you turn away such a loving animal?
4. Sometimes, I just don't wanna be around people. Sometimes, it's certain people, sometimes it's ALL people.

Oh well - sleep calls

Woke up

2010-01-27T03:19:00.001-06:00

I just woke up from the dumbest dream. I'm actually pissed about it. But, it's waning.

Sleep.

- Posted using BlogPress from my phone: because it does that, too.

A perfect Sunday?

2010-01-24T19:01:00.001-06:00

The pessimist in me will say that nothing is perfect. However, today came awfully close.

I started the day by waking up with a huge headache. Huge.

“But, Captain… if you started the day with a huge headache, how can it be a perfect day?”

Simple. I had an immense amount of fun last night hanging out with Morgan, Sparkie, Jim, Heather & Corey, & Alan & Lori. We bullied the jukebox, played some of the worst pool in the history of billiards, then called it a night.

But, back to my huge headache.

I had this monstrosity of a headache, took some ibuprofen, drank some of this town’s fine water (fresh from the tap) & headed down to start the day. But, what to eat? What to eat….

I ate some bacon.

Then, after some serious video gaming (in which Mario died several times), it was Palace! time.

Palace! is the term used for this Chinese Restaurant aptly named, “China Palace”. My friend Barney has been going every Sunday (for the most part) for about 3 years or so. Apparently, they always, always get high marks from the health inspector. So, every week, I try to go with some friends and we all sit and talk about whatever. So, off to Palace! I went.

Now, in addition to the headache and the bacon, I really wasn’t feeling all that well. The smell of bacon was making me nauseous. Can you believe it? Bacon: making someone nauseous? Anyway, after a brief car ride from Sparkie and the almost incessant burping up of bacon, I had the distinct feeling I was about to paint Palace!’s porcelain with some bacon & stomach acid.

And that’s exactly what happened.

I immediately got out of Sparkie’s car, walked directly into the Men’s room, calmly shut & locked the stall door, placed the lid in the correct position and offered up breakfast. Which consisted of bacon.

Did you know that bacon tastes the same forwards and backwards?

Take a minute. Once you stop gagging, proceed.

Ok?

Good.

So, after my meal, I felt better! I immediately came home to find that Morgan still hadn’t gotten out of bed (she did not feel well) so, I decided that I’d call it a day… at 1:30p.

I just woke up a little while ago (6’ish) and my lovely lady was in need of some sweet tea.

I went downstairs, let the dogs out (Relax Baha Men. It was me), & noticed how nice it was outside. It was quiet & peaceful & it really made me glad to be alive. It was really nice.

I may or may not have left the house wearing sweats and orange Crocs to go get my special lady & I some sweet tea. Sweet tea: Nectar of the Gods.

I usually don’t leave the house in sweats. Mainly because I don’t wear sweats all that often (I’m a sweaty bastard) but, partially because I only own two pair. I never leave the house in the Crocs, though. Those are strictly home attire.

I guess that’s why they call days like these Lazy Sundays.

Oh well, that’s my perfect Sunday.

Welp, shit.

2010-01-22T04:43:00.000-06:00

The emoji didn't work too well, did it?

- Posted using BlogPress from my phone: because it does that, too.

Testing this.

2010-01-22T04:32:00.000-06:00

Just testing this to see if it's easier to use than my old blog app. It is. Perhaps I'll buy the full version so I can upload pics.

Oh, why am I awake? Simple. I talked in my sleep AGAIN. I keep telling She that sleep talking is uncontrollable (which it is) but it doesn't stop her from getting angry. Maybe I should start taking s to help me sleep. I don't really like that idea () but, if it will help She not feel & me feel like , I'll do it. Maybe I should just start riding my , again. I'd better get some sleep. Gotta work @ .

- Posted using BlogPress from my phone: because it does that, too.

Oh, shit

2010-01-17T23:50:00.001-06:00

I just had some American Honey. 1st time in a long time. Still good.

So, apparently I have this problem.

2010-01-16T06:00:00.001-06:00

I don’t know about it because it happens when I’m asleep.

I talk. Apparently, my subconscious is having a wonderful time without me.

or not

Either way, I find it annoying. In the morning, my lady friend is visibly upset with me and I have to ask the inevitable question,

“Did I talk in my sleep?”

It’s like being in Jekyll & Hyde: Hyde comes out whilst I’m sleeping and, just like Jekyll (or Bruce Banner – the old version of Bruce Banner), I have no recollection of anything said or done.

Why? Because I’m asleep.

I really don’t enjoy this for a few reasons.

I actually love this woman and it hurts me to see her upset.
I don’t need anyone to help me piss people off, especially when I’m asleep.
This keeps happening. Although the frequency is less.

I must go earn a living, now.

So, what’s so great about day shift?

2010-01-09T15:47:00.001-06:00

Well, I’ll tell you…

Better hours

Yeah, better hours. I get up at 5’ish, go to work and get home around 3’ish. I still get to do stuff during the day and I find that I’m drinking less and sleeping more. I currently eat dinner too late but, I’m working on that. But, the sleep. Oh, the sleep!

I sleep better

I really do. Sure, I wake up occasionally (whether it’s because of my giant dog or annoying neighbors) but, I actually get more sleep than when I worked the evening shift. Plus, when I get up, I’m ready to start the day, not just slightly pissed because I don’t have enough time to do stuff before I go to work.

I have time to do stuff after work

Off work by 3? Perfect. This means I can still go to the bank and do a bunch of other stuff before going to bed! I really enjoy it. I can actually go out to eat with people, see a movie, etc. It’s nice.

I get to spend time with my special lady

Yes, there is a special lady that has blessed me with her presence. Luckily for me, I get to spend time with her because our schedules match up so well. How awesome is that?

2009… what to say?

2010-01-09T06:01:00.001-06:00

I’ve been working on this for a bit.

Really. What to say? I just finished reading Burgfeld’s blog and it got me thinking. What’s really happened this year? It certainly started out well…

I took a trip at the beginning of the year, it was quite nice and I’m not going to post where I went because, well… it’s my blog. Deal with it. I can tell you that the best part of the trip was that all the liquor was paid for.

I battled some pretty hefty demons, got some scars but came out a better person. My biggest problem last year was my lack of control. That problem is now fixed. I’m pretty stoked about that.

I got one of those fancy driving awards that turns out a lot of people I know have received. That’s taken care of, too.

I found out a few things about myself:

I am too honest

I never really thought that could be a problem. People like honesty, right? I thought so. But, more than once this past year, my honesty did more harm than good. Fortunately, the only person it harmed was me.

I”m strong

I can take a lot. Mostly, I keep it inside. Why? That’s the way my role model(s) handle(d) stress. That’s the way I handle stress. Bottle it up inside and deal with it when you can. But, I am strong. Strong willed with strong heart. I know this. I also have a breaking point, which I found this year. It wasn’t pretty. However, when I hit (what up until now has been) rock bottom, I stayed strong, did what I thought was right and called it a day.

I’m tough.

You know that saying, “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.”? Well, the going got tough in 2009 and I got going. I don’t really need to go into this one. If you know me and are reading this, chances are you’ve been reading my past exploits and know what I’m talking about. Again, I feel I made the best decision.

I have too much pride… almost.

So, I went on anti-depressants last year because I couldn’t cope with quitting alcohol, my marital problems, stresses at work, and work all at the same time. It was taking a serious toll on my mental well being. I got a script for something called citalopram. A lovely little $4/bottle anti-depressant that will take the edge off, at least until you stop taking it.

I felt terrible: I didn’t want to be someone who had to take pills to function. Basically, I was on this pill so I could function somewhat normally. It was definitely cheaper than alcohol but it did the same damned thing: I had to be on something to appear “normal”. Well, not liking that idea, because of where I work or not, I was too prideful to continue taking these pills. I debated about not taking them, so I did what I always do: quit cold turkey. I thought I could take care of my problems myself. Like a Social Distortion song, I was wrong. I fell apart and felt worthless.* So, I went back on them. I took the prescribed medication and worked on my problems without completely falling apart. I think maybe that’s why they are available. To help you work on you.

After a while, I began taking a 1/2 pill instead of a whole pill. I did that for a bit and then, one day: I forgot to take my happy pill – and I was still happy! Then I’d take one later in the day or something. But, this continued to happen. I kept forgetting to take the script. Sometime that next week, I just didn’t take it at all. I don’t even know when that was – at least a couple of months ago. I didn’t really keep track of when I stopped taking them, I was just looking for my keys one day and found my Rx bottle. That’s when I knew I’d be ok.

That leads me to big changes for 2010. But, that’s another blog for another day.

*FYI: You can’t quit taking anti’s cold turkey. You may develop suicidal tendencies (and I ain’t talking the band). So, after a particularly bad weekend, I started taking them again.

2010-01-01T00:29:00.001-06:00

Happy New Year! May your 2010 be better than your 2009.

2010-01-01T00:28:00.001-06:00

Happy New Year! May your 2010 be better than your 2009.

2010-01-01T00:27:00.001-06:00

Happy New Year! May your 2010 be better than your 2009.

I had a dream

2009-12-25T05:46:00.001-06:00

I was at a graduation party or a homecoming (or something to that effect) & Goose from Top Gun was there. More accurately, Anthony Edwards. He didn’t look like Goose, he looked like the guy from ER.

So, I walk up to the (we’ll just call it a party) & there’s a funnel cake stand in the front yard. I immediately go inside & make some mop water (what?) for the party. I finish with my mop water & go in to see a bunch of people I don’t recognize.

Anyway, AE was there & he was wasted. He was trying to watch TV but was so drunk that he couldn’t sit on a couch properly. I asked his buddies, “How many has he had?” . To which they reply, “One.”

Oh yeah, & AE recognized me. Like, he knew me & stuff. He was all, “Hey, how are you doing? I haven’t seen you in forever!”

Then I went looking for the bathroom.

Then I woke up.

Weird, huh?

Blah, humblog!

2009-12-23T18:49:00.001-06:00

(pic courtesy of lock-and-load)

This is a looooooong post. Be ye warned…

Wanna know why I hate this time of year? Ok, here it goes.

It all stems back from when I was a wee lil' guy and my Mom & Dad were always fighting. Christmas seemed extra stressful. My Mom, whom I'm fairly certain has S.A.D. (seasonal affect disorder), would always be a horrible person this time of year and my Dad? He just didn’t talk.

We would go to both my Mom’s mom and my Dad’s mom for Christmas. Depending on the year and the number of people staying at each location, we’d go to my Dad’s family first and then to my Mom’s family. It was somewhat sad going to my Mom’s family because her Dad had died when I was way young. So young, in fact, I barely remember him. I do remember he smoked a pipe (which is probably one of the reasons I smoke a pipe). For a while, my aunt, uncle, & cousins would go to Grandma’s. Otherwise, it was just Grandma and one of Mom’s cousins that lived with Grandma. The cousin was, in a word, retarded, & she needed the help around the house. When my aunt, uncle, & cousins would go to Christmas, those were good times. Everyone was always older than me by a few years but it was good. when it was just Grandma and our family… well, those weren’t really pleasant memories.

But, when we went to my Dad’s side of the family: It was nice! There was a farm, cousins to go running around with, pies, a big furnace with a giant grate that you could stand on when you had been out in the snow and needed to warm up. We’d all gather around in the same tiny room and the tree would dwarf the room and presents everywhere.

I’d give all of them back just to have some more days like those.

Then, people got older. My Grandmother (on Mom’s side) lost her battle with Alzheimer’s. If you tell me that Alzheimer’s doesn’t kill people, I will slap you in your face and call you a liar. Then, a few years later, my Grandfather (on Dad’s side) suffered a stroke and, by sheer determination, died after Christmas. This was also several years ago. Christmas wasn’t the same. All my cousins had children of their own. I’m not saying I necessarily want kids but, to see that innocence… y’know?

So, take a person who has a history of being horrible in the winter and pair them up with a person who doesn't talk - you have me: a horrible person who doesn't talk.

I am not filled with holiday cheer. I do not want to sing Christmas carols. I do not want to watch a holiday special that talks about the true meaning of Christmas. I know the meaning of Christmas.

Blah, humblog.

2009-12-22T12:21:00.001-06:00

Sittin' on break: 9 minutes left. What can I say? Working days effing rocks! I've worked some days in the past but, I really think gettin' up @ 5a is gonna work out. I'm shakin' off "Oh, nein!" & looking forward to '10. Well, break's over.

Things are going well

2009-12-20T23:09:00.001-06:00

I’ve got a great gal, a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle “funky cover” (aka Snuggie), Raphael, in case you were wondering, a big cuddle hound and a tiny shitbox.

I call him a shitbox because, well, he shits on everything he can.

His name is Ignatius J. Pug-n-stuff. I didn’t solely name him, but I can’t not take responsibility of his name, either. What can I say? He’s a pug and Zeppelin enjoys his company. They play tug, occasionally Zep will drag toy and Iggy across the room. It’s quite entertaining.

Let’s see… what else is going on?

Oh, yeah. Quelf. This game is pretty fun. She and I have the board game version. I’m cutting this post short so that I may check out the online version.

Later, taters.

2009-12-19T13:59:00.001-06:00

However, I'm excited. I'm not sure if that came across in the last post.

2009-12-19T13:44:00.001-06:00

Waiting to walk in graduation. I did it. I finished college. As I stand waiting, I look around to see that I know no one in the College of Health & Human Service. Just like when I began My higher education - I'm alone.

Sitting on break

2009-12-17T10:14:00.001-06:00

Thinking about what I'm learning as a mentor:
•patience
•be a role model
•be professional
•be a good listener
This is expected of a guy that used to sport a mohawk & wear a "FUCK RACISM" shirt to go play drums in a band that sings about sleeping in the wet spot & 19 year olds with big breasts.
Can I do this?
Do I even WANT to do this?
If a shark stays still it dies.

I asked She the other day what she thouht about Columbia, MO.
"It's a college town. A REAL college town, not like Cape."
There's a facility there that's like Cottonwood. I got a couple of buddies that live out there. Maybe, it's time to get the fuck outta Dodge. Or, in my case, Ford: breaks's over.

2009-12-16T20:37:00.001-06:00

Testes: 1…2…3?

Shifting gears

2009-12-15T21:44:00.001-06:00

The end of the year is coming up and it seems like a good time to focus on change. Change is good. I have some change in a jar that I believe I’m going to use to leave the country some day.

I’ll come back.

Ok, here we go: I had a rotten six month stretch in my life that affected my work. Thus, I performed poorly at my job &, as a result, I did not come off probation.
What does that mean?

At the most, 6 more months of probation. Why is it the most? Well, look down.
If I fuck up within the next 6 months, I get fired. FIRED!
If my 6 months is up and I still haven’t made progress, I get fired. FIRED!
I don't get my bonus "step up" money while on probation.
- This especially pisses me off. Messin’ with my money is like messin’ with my emotions

I looked at my review. I really looked at it. I agree. I shouldn’t have come off of probation. I looked at all the log notes/written counseling/blah blah blahs and, the evidence is abundant. Now, would I have benefitted from a verbal warning? Yes. You bet your sweet baby gherkins I would have.

Did I get any? No.

So, what to do?

During the past month or so, a day shift position became available, same job title, no shift differential, less face time with the clients.
Is $.30 an hour worth a little peace of mind?

You bet your sweet baby gherkins, it is!

I think to myself: I've been doing the same job for 3 years, wasting my nights, & feeling like I’m not making one bit of difference.
So, I took the day job: wake up @ 5'ish, work until about 3, & then go live life!
And, if I don't fuck up in the next 6 months (maybe less with stellar behavior), I might actually be able to afford to live.

"But, Captain: without that shift differential, you're making less money than you were before."
Technically, yes. I will be making $.30 less an hour. However

I won't be leaving early (like I did on evenings)
I probably won't be taking lunch breaks so, I might be able to break even.

That, combined with the bad elements that are associated with evening shift and this becomes a flippin’ sweet deal!

I am sleepy….

I haven’t blogged in a while so… here it goes.

2009-12-10T13:41:00.001-06:00

So, I’ve been pretty busy.

I moved – back to my old house. Back to my house

that’s super-fucking-cold in the winter
that’s super-fucking-hot in the summer
that floods when it rains too much
where the pipes freeze in the winter
that needs windows replaced
that needs gutters
that needs the roof repaired
that’s full of a ridiculous amount of memories.

Memories that I want.
Memories that I don’t want
Memories that I must deal with

I got a girlfriend. Well, she’s more like a woman-friend.

She’s amazing. She really is. If you know her, you’re a better person for it. I’m a better person for being with her.
She’s beautiful (although, if you tell her that, she’ll call you a liar).
She’s smart, probably the smartest woman I’ve ever met.
She’s creative. She’s has an artistic side that I can’t wait to see. I’ve seen bits and pieces but, I want more.
She’s got a big heart and even though I broke it, she’s still with me which also means she’s forgiving of my dumbassery.
She’s funny. She has a sense of humor, an actual sense of humor!
We like the same things.

bikes
pizza
music
movies

She’s an asshole. Yeah; I said it. An asshole. Together, her and I could destroy anyone that deserved it.

Even though I don’t deserve to be in her presence, she stays with me and keeps me sane.

So, like I said, I’ve been busy. I got a lady, I got a house, I got a dog, she’s got a dog. All together, we make quite a pair (or two pair, if you prefer).

But, what’s this got to do with the blog-o-rama extravaganza?

Nothing. Just keeping my 4 readers up to date.

I’ve been working through some shit (emotions, etc). I’ve been a little confused but, I’m passed that now.

I’m also switching shifts at work. I’m going to days!

Why?

Well, I’ve been doing the same job for like 3 years.

I’m tired of working nights.
I’m tired of spending the afternoons with kids who don’t want my help.
I’d rather wake them up in the morning and get them off to school.
I’d rather spend less time with them and more time enhancing my life.
I’d rather spend my time making the ones that make me happy, happy.

Is that so wrong?

Am I selfish?

No. I think I’m just seeing things the way they should be.

So, I’m going through some files…

2009-11-24T23:05:00.001-06:00

And I’m trying to decide what to delete. I don’t really know if I should delete old pics of a different life but, it might still be nice to remember those times, right?

I really don’t know on this one. I’ve quit so many things cold turkey. I’m thinking that should be then next tattoo.

So, I had a beer, in a bar, in town

2009-11-04T08:40:00.001-06:00

. Meh.

I'd rather have a beer @ home, with my Special Lady (I'm still trying out nicknames), in my pajamas. I had one not-so-tasty-beer & just kinda stood around - bored. The company was great but, the music was shitty & overall, it just wasn't my forté.

So, I went home & failed miserably @ Mario Galaxy.
Yes, I play Mario Galaxy. So does She ( I kinda like this as a name). She also plays Nintendo games & can totally smoke you on some Mario Kart! She's also one of those snappy dressers that makes a man want to peel off layers.

;-)

Shhh! She's here. Gotta go!

It’s time.

2009-10-31T18:05:00.001-05:00

I reached 180 days.

I’ve reached a decision about whether or not I want to have children (the original reason I gave for quitting the booze).

I’ve also decided to that I can have a beer - at home - or, if I’m out and having a beer, I’m definitely not driving!

If I get to the point where I was before, I’ll know what to do: quit again!

This may upset some of (the 4) you but, let’s face facts: it’s my life.

I’d like to be able to be considered as a man who does what he says.

Now, you may be asking yourself, “Self, when is the Captain gonna drink again?”

Well, let me answer that with this: I already did. I had a couple of beers last night and, you know what?

Meh.

Don’t freak. I’ll be fine. By the way, here’s my Halloween “outfit” for the evening. Enjoy…

This woman walks into…

2009-10-30T10:33:00.001-05:00

my life. True story.
Technically, she didn't JUST walk into my life. I've known her for a while.

A LONG while.

We've been dating for about a month or so (time flies when you're happy) & we've been friends for like, 6 or 7 YEARS(?).

Yeah, something like 7 years.

I have very few friends that make it past the 5 year mark. Why? You either get me or you don't. If you get me, you hang out. If not, well…

But, I digress:
Knowing someone for so long & then dating them is a whole new experience for me (cue the song, "A Whole New World"). Lemme put it this way: I've known her for 7 years & during those 7 years, I was:
•being myself
•NOT trying to get in to her pants.

That can have a profound effect on a relationship.

Since I wasn't trying to bed her, I became her friend. Since she's been my friend for so long, She (we'll just call her She) has:
• seen me @ (arguably) my worst,
• has swapped many a bull-shit story with me
•taken & given some stellar advice
•once stopped me from beating someone senseless @ the bar.*

Like I said, she's a good friend.

Now? She's more than a friend. It took some getting used to. I gotta tell you, it was difficult for me (at first) to wrap my head around the fact that she has a vagina. For the longest time, she was genderless to me (a.k.a. a friend).

Now? You should see what we have. It's so good!

Why?
• It's easy. There isn't really a "getting to know you stage" - we already know each other.
• She calls me on my bull-shit & I call her on hers - you know when you're having a bad day & you're in a foul mood, your "someone" asks you what's wrong & you come back with a (loaded) "nothing!"; know what I mean? Ya- we don't/can't do that. It's great.
• She understands me.
• I understand her (I know, right? Understanding a woman?! Crazy!)

What can I say? She is awesome!
How did all of this happen? That's a blog for another day!

(Sorry about the bullets, by the way. I just figured out how to do that on my phone. Ha!)

* I had just started working in the mental health field & was having a rough night. I went to the bar (that everyone I ran with went to), ordered a whiskey on the rocks, & sat down. Mind you, this was YEARS ago. I was pissed about work & needed to relax. I would've had a better time except some douche-bag was running his mouh about something (insignificant, I'm sure) & I was just staring @ a glass ash tray (glashtray). Sensing something's wrong, She began the conversation as thus:
She: Captain.
Me: Captain (She, too is a Captain).
She: You ok? You seem a little, I don't know, intense @ the moment.
Me: See the douche-bag @ the end of the bar?
She: *nods & rolls eyes*
Me: Well, he's actin' just like one of my kids @ work: only they piss & shit themselves & behave like THAT (*gesturing towards the db). They have an excuse. Some have genuine problems & terrible parents. That guy? He's just being a doche-bag & I kind've want to go smash this "glashtray" over his head & tell him to shut the fuck up.
She: *without saying a word, takes the "glashtray" & replaces it with a plastic one (plashtray)*
She: There. Need anything else?
Me: *smiles, laughs*
She: *gives me a smile* (the same one that now brightens my day)

Bringing the Mountain to Mohammad

2009-10-28T09:59:00.003-05:00

Ok. If you're not sure if this is about you, you'll figure it out shortly.
We're separated & we're getting divorced.
You didn't wanna talk & I need to get this out in the open for my own well-being: I was having trouble. As a wife, you were supposed to be supportive. "For better OR worse", not "Make it worse". You were my wife & I loved you. Why do you think I moved so far out in the country? Why do you think I learned to SCUBA dive? Why do you think I did ANYTHING?!
So, I tell you I have a drinking problem & want to get clean for 6 months. In that 6 months, I would make a decision about wanting to have children - something I said I did NOT want in the past (long before you blew into my life).
What did you say? "
I can't wait that long."
I can't wait that long?!
What the fuck is "I can't wait that long."?
You couldn't wait for your husband to get sober? SOBER?!
When you said that, I knew then I had made a mistake in getting married. Let me tell you, you made me feel super great about my decision to take back some control in my life.
In addition to you being heartless & selfish; you were vindictive, too! How, in good conscious, could you be getting shitfaced when I came home from work?
"I'm drinking all the alcohol so you don't have to be an alcoholic!" <- That was your response.
What.
The.
Fuck.
I have never wanted to slap the shit outta someone so bad, in my life.
But, what did I do? I balled it up. I tucked that hurt away & just said, "Goodnight".
So, the next day; I poured out the liquor & started looking for a place to live. I've been sober since, no thanks to you.
Since that day, I went through the detox withdrawals, got a Rx for anti-depressants, got a Rx for Xanax & slowly weaned myself off both! I've cried in a fetal position on my bed, while Zeppelin tried to figure out what was wrong.
I've felt super alone &super depressed.
I heard through your sister that you thought it was "a shame" for me to be on Rx drugs & that you "didn't understand why anyone would need to be on those". Well, I have to say I agree with her statement: It's better than running away from my problems. At least I'm dealing with my emotions!
Fast forward to now: You find out that I'm dating someone that we worked with from WAY back. You have the nerve to say that I was just biding my time & waiting until she was single? Don't be a fucking idiot! When WE met her, she was dating a friend of mine. When YOU worked with her, she was DATING MY FRIEND! When you quit working @ the brewery, I ran into her a couple of times before SHE quit the brewery! I hadn't seen/spoken to her in like a year. I distinctly remember asking her how her & my friend were doing (probably on twitter or facebook) & she said, "Oh, it HAS been a while! We broke up a LONG time ago. She told me she was dating someone new & then we didn't talk for a while after that. Even then, what did we talk about? Drinking too much!
Look, I'm sorry that you can't accept the fact that your sister got pregnant before you, or that you're 34, or that somebody didn't do what you wanted when you wanted it. The bottom line is this: Our marriage is over due to lack of participation on both parties. When the divorce is finalized, I will no longer have any reason to talk to you.
If you decide you'd like to be friends, that's great. I'd like to see Biscuit & I think it would be good for Biscuit & Zeppelin both.
If you decide that you wanna blame our dissolution on an innocent party?
Fuck you.

Sitting here... Sitting there...

2009-10-04T10:26:00.001-05:00

Sitting there, waiting for breakfast. That's when this one started. You may have noticed that my blahgging has decreased in the past months. Why? Simple. Life got busy. Really, really busy.

Now, it's back to the way it was - only some things have changed, while others have stayed the same.

Sobriety

I'm still sober. I will probably stay that way for a while. I don't think I should drink but, I do miss the occasional glass of wine. I've started going to bars again. No sugar-coating this: it's because of a woman. I probably wouldn't go except, you can't see a band nowadays WITHOUT going to a bar.

Goodbye

Like the Flight of the Conchords song, I said goodbye to the leggy blonde. She wasn't good for me & vice versa. I still see her on occasion (sometimes on my way to work, our paths cross), but there's nothing there/left anymore.

Jobby job

The internship, which had consumed much of my life, is over. Now, it's time to get on with life. This would be a lot easier if I knew where I wanted to be/live.

We're puttin' the band back together

I'm in a band already. We draw a decent crowd but, collectively, our heart's not in it. I guess it became all about the money (the benjamins, if you like). Regardless, it sucks. Now, that I have more free time, someone else wants me to play music. It was a band that I was asked to join before. I used to play before jumping to full time @ work. After working 2 jobs, I am kind of enjoying my free time.

The Captain

I've been dating a fellow pirate. She's amazing. I feel so good when we're together - most of the time. She reads this so, I'm not going into specifics. I will let you know if she hangs up her hangups. Everyone's got 'em. It's just a matter of identifying & resolving, right?

Now, I'm sitting here - on the side of a busy road, my back to a chain link fence, on the sidewalk: Zeppelin by my side. Z loves this girl, I think I do, too. Problem is: how can I even think about that whenever the last person I told that to up & left? I'm afraid to put myself out there. I'm too long in the tooth for games, especially at this stage in my life.

Time will tell, right?
Right?

SATOP

2009-10-02T21:16:00.001-05:00

SATOP
Oh, shit. Lemme tell you about the weekend I had.
1st things 1st: SATOP means Substance Abuse Traffic Offender Program. In other words, drunks & druggies who got caught driving.

Ok, lemme tell you about the different types of winners in this group, some outstanding individuals are in their own category:

1st: the 19 yr old stripper who's missing a front tooth. A FRONT TOOTH?! I can't make this shit up, people. If you're 19 & this your 2nd offense - shut the fuck up. No one cares about your stories growing up in who-the-fuck-cares-ville or the fact that you got a job @ The Pony to pay for SATOP. I have never, in my life, experienced a better reason NOT to have kids & I work with fucked up kids. I had the (un)fortunate luck of being in the smaller group with this dynamic dumbass. Sweet Baby Gherkins. I figured out roughly 20 minutes after meeting her that she likes to be the center of attention. I know what to do with those people....

2nd: a dude that looks like a ginger version of Charles Manson - this was not his 1st rodeo. Let's leave it @ that. This dude was fuuuuucking scaaaaary.

3rd: the repeat offenders (in their 50's) who figured out that they went to high school together! These guys are not gonna quit drinking anytime soon. Plus, they live in the same town - which isn't mine, so I don't care.

4th: people from Chaffee, Bernie, Dexter, Sikeston & other cultural meccas of Southeast Missouri.
I'm not saying that good people can't come out of these areas.
What I am saying is, if you're from one of these areas, you were not well represented.

5th: an old queen living in denial. 'nuff said.

6th, the wigger - I hate to use that term but, if the shoe fits... This muthafucka, every otha wurd out his mout wuz fuck dis & fuck dat & he sounded like dat dayum Jim Carey movie, know whut I mean?
Yeah: DUMB & DUMBER. And of, course, he knew the stripper & they talked in great detail about NASCAR. I've had better conversations with my toilet.
And, don't give me shit about the terminology I have chosen. As soon as you read it, you knew what I meant. Plus, it's my blog…

7th: the lying meth addict - how do I know he was lying? Simple. Read #8.

8th: the jokers - specifically one guy, who told the meth addict (who hadn't touch ANYTHING in a while, seriously) that the "individual interviews" that everyone had to go through were actually "piss tests".
This was hilarious because the MA proceeded to turn white & immediately started downing water. Ha!

9th: the SEMO students. The frat boy with the pre-distessed flip-flops. Pretty sweet, Bro-hamm! Him & the sororitute & one other chick who was really, REALLY quiet all got on pretty well.

10th: the quiet ones. I was sorta quiet. I ate a lot of candy - a LOT of candy. A few things I did say were funny, I told a few jokes, made fun of the stripper, to her face.
It's a toss up between which joke was better but I'm gonna go with, when the stripper asked if anyone had change for a $10, I said, shouldn't WE be the ones asking YOU for singles?

At least it's over.

150 and counting….

2009-09-28T12:09:00.001-05:00

When I wrote this, I had been sober for 150 days. I've been doing really well. I've not drank since April 30th. I would have to say that I'm pretty proud of this and I haven't been proud of much, prior to starting this.

I started rough.

1st, my ex-wife decides to deal with my decision by reaching out and hurting someone. Namely, me.

2nd, I got a DWI on Easter. Easter! Anyway, I’ve been reaping what I’ve sown on that for a bit. Namely SATOP (Substance Abuse Traffic Offender Program) and the wonderful MO Dept. of Revenue.

3rd, I've been having a rough couple of months at work.

I told work about my DWI. Big mistake. I should have waited and let them find out. I guess I need to not be so honest? That’s kind of a fucked up thing to think. Work, for me, has sucked lately.

I got promoted.

I was put on probation.

These first two things happened at the same time!

I was written up and told that I would be demoted if wrote up again.

Then, one of the clients (that I am there to help) decides it would be a good idea to kick me in the knee not once, not twice, but thrice! This put me on light duty, where work wants me to work 8 – 4:30, which is fine, except for the fact that I needed to finish my internship and they let me work in a wheelchair!

So, I’ve been using vacation time to finish my internship. I’m sure this will come back to bite me in the ass at some point, I’m just kind of waiting.

I go back to the doctor today and he’ll tell me when I get to return to work.

4th, I've started doing some shows with the Tone Def All Stars after a good hiatus. This is kind of bittersweet for me.

Sweet to be playing drums again. That’s my coping skill. It really is.

Bitter because, as a band, we were not good. Sure, we draw a crowd but, at the end of the night? Who cares?

Now, take the that nothing new has been written in a while and add a little apathy from most of us, then throw in a little “oh, all his shit is pawned for some reason” and you get this: Time for a change.

Enough about that.

I had a strange experience prior to the show the other night. I’ve been dating a really sweet/awesome/funny/young lady. Words cannot accurately describe her (or at least the way I see her) so I will stop there.

She asked me if I wanted a coke (because I’d been drinking them all night long). Of course I did, so she went for a coke at the bar.

She handed me the coke: I looked at the 12 oz plastic cup and said, "Wow, they must've already run out of the 16 oz cups. Weird, ha." I then threw the tiny straw in the garbage (you know, the coffee stir straws) and took a sip of coke.

It was the worst tasting coke I've had in roughly 150 days.

I must have been making a face.

She: “What’s wrong?”

Me: “This tastes weird. Taste it.”

She: *sip* “Oh, my God. Oh, my God, Captain, I’m sorry!”

Me: “You didn’t do it, can you just get me a coke, though?”

So, she gets me a coke. If you're reading correctly, I was handed a rum & coke and didn't even realize it until I took a sip.

By the way, it tasted like shit.

That being said (& read), I realized something: I don’t think I’m an alcoholic. I just let my drinking get out of control, that's all. You know how I know? Because, I didn’t want to keep drinking. I didn’t hide it and say, “Oh, this is a great coke!” or some stupid shit like that. I made a face and handed it back.

I don't know if or when I'll drink again but, if/when it happens, it will be under control.

Moderation is the key, right?

Right. So, yeah, I’ve been sober for roughly 150 days and I’ve had one sip of alcohol.

Day 151 and counting….

Wow, just… wow.

2009-09-04T00:20:00.001-05:00

Sitting by the phone

waiting for a call from you

just you. Only you.

Writing shitty words

in a string to form haikus,

old habits die hard.

I guess that’s the point.

Maybe that’s what you’re saying.

Old habits die hard.

Yeah, you’ve got some walls

but I’m not afraid to climb.

Just don’t push me down.

The walls may be thick

and you may be stubborn, but

I’m stubborn, too. Right?

People go away.

Make the most out of your time

and have memories.

That’s the point of them -

so you remember the good

and forget the bad.

That is hard to do.

I’m not gonna sugar coat.

That is effing hard.

Right now, I’m tired

and worried. Don’t forget that.

I feel I effed up.

Just, please: call me soon?

The silence and the waiting

I just cannot take.

What the fuck just happened?

2009-09-03T16:32:00.001-05:00

so, i've been happy & now one of my friends is apparently pissed or something (i dunno, she won't say). i tell someone that's pretty important to me about the current state of affairs & i seem to be getting the brush off. i gotta a "bye dude". wtf is that?

more important: what's with this emotion that's welling up? i feel like i just lost 2 friends at once. the old friend is having a rough patch while my lady friend is doing something weird. i am not ready for this.

Everybody's working

2009-08-28T18:18:00.001-05:00

For the weekend. Hanging with my friend this weekend. I'm sure I'll be around somewhere. Can't wait for her to get here, though!

Technology....

2009-08-26T05:52:00.001-05:00

For some reason, when I open up an app, it closes itself. Grrrr

There is another...

2009-08-24T20:28:00.001-05:00

Yes. A Star Wars quote. Also, a true statement about my blogs. Yes. There is another. Good luck.

Geekin

2009-08-24T13:41:00.001-05:00

Listening to Don't Sell Me Short by Bad Religion & having a great day!

I gotta say....

2009-08-23T19:39:00.001-05:00

This has been the BEST weekend. I've spent some time lounging around the apartment, eating out, and catching up on my terrible taste in movies. Currently, I'm sitting outside Imo's waiting for the best pizza in town.

Woot

2009-08-23T00:23:00.001-05:00

I gets to hang with a really great chick!